Thursday, January 31, 2013
Mailroom Morning News
Have you seen this Mustached Man?
Chances are you have. Chances are even better that he is one of your close personal friends.
Reporting past-live, we attended an event in Northern Virginia. It was there than we ran into the most exciting story ever.
"I just dont know what her problem is," said Seth when asked to comment. "I mean look at his picture!" Seth, the Man of the house-hold was so visibly frustrated that he was quacking with anger.
"The shame, the shame of it all... it just makes me so sad!" Kat, Seths well attired wife of alot of years exclaimed with teary eyes.
Echo, the oldest of the bunches of children said quizicaly, "I got my eyes on that basement door!"
All this was being said while Caspian threw toys and books and pens and dishes and miniature people in the shape of Aunt Hannah; clearly disturbed by the whole event. It has become clear to this reporter that the family is in heavy disagreement with said Aunt Hannah.
When asked for details, Penelope, the one who refuses to keep clothes on, said, "horsey. wiggle wiggle waggle, horsey." I noded in agreement. Of course this reporter has no idea what that statment means, but who is going to tell that to a 4 year old?
"Just look at his mustache! So long white and hairy. He's the Mustached Man!" This came from Essie. For an 8 year old she is astoundingly astute.
After much prodding and poking and asking questions, I finally found out what was going on. It appears that when Aunt Hannah came in from work last night, everyone was already in bed. The shower was used, quickly. It wasn't much later when the family heard the basement door slam shut."I was expecting her to come in and tell us what her plans were. She didn't. She rumaged in the frigidaire for a little and then disappeared down stairs," said Kat.
It wasn't untill the morning that they looked outside and saw Hannahs car was parked out front. Seth raced downstairs and forced his way into Hannahs room. "She woke up when I entered. I couldn't believe it.... I cant believe it."
She had been home the whole night.
I asked Aunt Hannah about her not going to see the Mustached Man. "Shaw! Look at his Mustache, yo! Only Old people have mustaches! I dont know what this familys obsession is with old people! Diggidy? I like people in there 20's!"
"We just like him so much. He really seems to have his life together. He's wise, has no money, lives in a cardboard box... whats not to like?" Kats statement on the matter. "If only I were young again..."
Echo and Essie cried all morning. "I knew the trap I set at the back basement door would wake me up. I knew when morning came that Hannah failed us," said Echo. Lamentingly.
Essie said, "I want to grow up to be just like him..."
Penelope said with stairy eyes, "I want to grow up to look just like him."
Caspian screamed alot. I mean, like, alot.
We attempted to call the Mustached Man. It turns out he has no phone. But we did pay a visit to his cardboard box down by the river. "I thought I would be able to die happy... now i'm just going to die," he wheezed sadly.
So there you have it. This house is in turmoil, all because Aunt Hannah wont give the Mustached Man her time. It is this reporters opinion that there is alot to be learned from this. You just cant expect an Aunt in her 20's to wake up combing an older gentlemans mustache anymore. It's something that us rational people cant understand... Your free to live you life as you choose, its just always such a shame when super old people have to have there hearts broken by people multi generations younger then them.
Thanks for joning, signing off, until next time, this is Mailroom Morning News!